Tuesday, June 28, 2011

If Vegas oddsmakers saw my "new" place.

At the end of May I moved into one half of a shotgun house in the Uptown area of New Orleans.  Living within walking distance of bars, restaurants, libraries, the streetcars, the river, etc. is wonderful, and I don't think I could go back to living in a massive, characterless apartment complex any time soon.  The tradeoff, however, means living in a building that is probably 150 years old, and has all of the problems associated with such an ...um... historical property.

To enhance the fun of dealing with the new place, I'm now accepting wagers on various aspects of the house.  I've even been kind enough to give you some odds and considerations for your bets. Come on, who wants in on this action? 

Odds that door handles stay latched - 2 to 1
We're told that these door knobs were salvaged from the first hotel in Washington, D.C.  That doesn't mean that there were properly installed.

Odds of electrical outlets giving somebody a shock - 500 to 1
This house has probably been wired and rewired over the years, and has a mix of both grounded and ungrounded outlets.  Odds of having a grounded outlet when you need one?  Not good... not good at all.

Odds of getting tetanus by sitting in one of our backyard chairs - 100 to 1
That's for people that sit in the chairs.  The odds of somebody actually sitting in them are less.  The greatest risk is probably falling through rusty spots, and at this point, the chairs are made entirely of iron oxide and blue paint.

Odds of the walls being made up of more termites than wood - 1000 to 1
There's visible termite damage in several places, but they send somebody out to check and spray every year.  The guy this year talked to me about playing Rock Band and then proceeded to scale a tree in our back yard.  Thorough enough of a check for me.

Blowing myself up with my ancient gas oven - 2 to 1
To blow myself up it would mean that I was attempting to use the oven.  If I was attempting to use the oven, I was probably trying to blow myself up, because I surely wasn't trying to cook anything.

Odds of having insulation - Infinity to 1
It's a shotgun house in New Orleans; it aint gonna happen. 

P.S. I'm not really accepting wagers, but I will accept donations to pay for the tetanus shots of my visitors.  

1 comment:

  1. Odds are you'll have fun.--Ohio Lottery Slogan

    Noah : )