Phishing for gems from the spam folder

Now and then a legitimate email gets misdirected to my email's spam folder.  Most of the time it's all crap that I don't want to waste even a fraction of a second glancing over, but I've had some annoyingly close calls with stuff getting stuck there so it's worth scanning once a week.  Again, mostly crap.

The following emails are not crap.  They're better than crap.  They're phishing scams that, were I in a position to waste hours of my life, I would really love to respond to and lead these guys on with elaborate falsehoods of my own.  One of my many talents is inventing realistic sounding names of companies.  Hell, with a couple hours and a few bucks, the properly motivated reverse-prankster could create websites, alternate email identities, and give real physical addresses (to real abandoned properties) to these asshats that are hoping to catch the two people alive that haven't seen the 60 Minutes special on these scams.

I'm not that motivated, but here are a few nice messages I've gotten in the last month or so.  Feel free to respond, but if any money changes hands, I'll need a 15% finders fee.  My barrister in Lagos will collect the appropriate information from you.

The Trusty Trustee

FROM AN ATTORNEY AT LAW
Hon.Barrister.Paparazy
Partner 72 Avenue Ouaga
Burkina Faso

Good Day ,

This is a personal email directed to you and I request that it be treated as such.
I am Barrister Paparazy, a solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney/sole executor to the late Dr. George , hereinafter referred to as’ my client' who worked as an independent oil magnate in my country and who died in a car crash with his immediate family on the 4th of Oct,1998. Since the death of my client in Oct, 1998, I have written several letters to the embassy with intent to locate any of his extended relatives whom shall be claimants/beneficiaries of his abandoned personal estate and all such efforts have been to no avail.

Moreover, I have received official letters in the last few weeks suggesting a likely proceeding for confiscation of his abandoned personal assets in line with existing laws by the bank in which my client deposited the sum of 18.5 Million United States Dollars.

On this note I decided to search for a credible person and finding that you bear a similar last name, I was urged to contact you, that I may, with your consent, present you to the "trustee" bank as my late client's surviving family member so as to enable you put up a claim to the bank in that capacity as a next of kin of my client.

I find this possible for the fuller reasons that you bear a similar last name with my client making it a lot easier for you to put up a claim in that capacity. I propose that 50% of the net sum will accrue to you at the conclusion of this deal in so far as I do not incur further expenses.

Therefore, to facilitate the immediate transfer of this fund, you need, first to contact me via email signifying your interest and as soon as I obtain your confidence, I will immediately appraise you with the complete details as well as fax you the documents, with which you are to proceed and i shall direct on how to put up an application to the bank.

However, you will have to assent to an express agreement which I will forward to you in order to bind us in this transaction.

Upon the receipt of your reply, I will send you by fax or E-mail the next step to take. I will not fail to bring to your notice that this proposal is hitch-free and that you should not entertain any fears as the required arrangements have been made for the completion of this transfer. Like I said, I require only a solemn confidentiality on this.

Best regards,
Barr.Paparazy Esq. mccc214@gmail.com

The Lucky Lottery Winner 

HIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR e-MAIL HAS WON YOU THE SUM OF 1,000.000.00 POUNDS FROM THE MSN/YAHOO®PROMOTION HELD ON 16TH OCTOBER 2010. CONTACT THE BARRISTER RENNY HARLINGS FOR CLAIMS OF FUNDS.
Name: Barrister.Renny Harlings
Email: renyharlings@hotmail.com
1.Full Name:
2.Full Address:
3.State:
4.Occupation:
5.Age:
6.Sex:
7.Country:
8.Tel.Number:

For Your Wonderful Work With The UN

You are to contact Dr Jacek Slotala of Bank Zachodni via his e-mail
address: jacekslotala@LIVE.COM with the below information for the
claim of your United Nations Compensation Bank Draft of $550,000.00
Full Names (Surname First).......
Current Address...................
Occupation ......................
Country........................
Telephone #..............
Age.....................

Contact him immediately with the requested information above for your
International Bank Draft of $550,000.00 USD.
Benjamin Jon for Gen Ban Ki Moon
Secretary General (UNITED NATIONS)

The Unordered Package
 

This is a post notification,

Your parcel has arrived at the post office on October 7.
Our Driver was unable to deliver the parcel to your address.
Please print out the invoice copy attached and collect the package at our office.

Thank you,
FedEx Customer Services.

Guess what happens when you click on the attachment.  My money says that it's not an invoice...